my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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