i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
