and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
