stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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