Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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