can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
