i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
