I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
