They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
