so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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