just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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