if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
