i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
