what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
