Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
