Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
