I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
