If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
