The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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