the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
