Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
