I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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