i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
