i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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