Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
