Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
