need another drink. this is the easiest way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
