in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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