Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
