Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
