But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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