Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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