I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
