Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
COCAINE IS GR8
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
