I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
