We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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