1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
