dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
