What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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