literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
