you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
