tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
