Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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