The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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