dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
