The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize