A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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