he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
