6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
