Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
